How to know that you are always being used
Always being taken for granted is the act of someone either your friends or family member continuously capitalizing on your leniency to undermine you and makes you lose value/neglected. You may be confident in your behavior or style but along the line, you start realizing people you love begins taking you and the things you do for them for granted virtually all the time.
Also, you might be caring and loving to people around you just to discover your indulgences are being taken for granted; how will you feel? To be candid with you genuinely nice persons are always being taken for granted.
Consequently to worsen the issue, if you are kind, caring, sensitive, and compassionate, you’re always being attributed as a narcissist, addicts, manipulators by the people around you and they are willing to take more from you than they have to reciprocate your kind gesture.
Sometimes it’s difficult to know if you’re always being taken for granted in a relationship and sometimes it’s easy to notice. Either way, if you feel that your partner or loved ones don’t appreciate you as much as they should, you are very likely to be right.
Is it your fault that you’re always being taken for granted?
Should you blame yourself or the person that takes you for granted?
A person who indulges in romantic gestures virtually all the time without taking into consideration if his or her partner does the same, or if you are extremely being nice to your partner or a friend all the time without ever letting them know that you’re displeasing yourself just to make them happy, it’s very clear that you would always be taken for granted because they are not aware of the effort you have made to make them happy.
Can you blame your partner if he or she doesn’t have an idea about the effort you’ve taken to always make them happy?
Yes, they may feel special or coddle the first few times. But once it’s being done very often, the good deeds turn into expectations. Failure to continue in the same way may even make your partner or family members get annoyed with you.
The more you put in more effort, the higher the expectations being required from you. And before you realize it, you don’t get anything in return, and yet, you would be expected to displease yourself and do something unique for them always. You might want to end the good gestures after realizing you are being taken for granted in the relationship but you’ve gone so deep that you can’t tap out.
Does communication play an important part in one being taken for granted?
Yes, it does as it’s the only way to stop a person from taking you for granted by letting them know the efforts you’ve tried in doing things for them to be happy.
Try communicating with them that you have gone out of your reach just to make them happy than waiting till when you’re busted to express your anger or frustration to your lover or your family on how ungrateful they are when you’ve been so giving and displeasing yourself for them.
Furthermore, most people are always being taken for granted because they tend to conceal communication within until they can no longer put up with it. And they unleash their anger one faithful day, as their lover or family member may not be aware that they were taking their partner for granted.
Why not inform your partner that you’ve made strong effort to please them or make them happy as you’re not being proud? You are just being candid with them, and there is nothing wrong in that.
In fact, when you inform your partner that you did something special for them will make your partner feel grateful and appreciate your kind gesture as well. After all, we all want to be appreciated for doing the special task for your lover, isn’t it?
Does self-respect have a connection with being taken for granted?
Yes, it does as self-respect is one of those things that can determine whether you can be taken for granted or not. Why won’t you be taken for granted when you don’t respect yourself enough to admit that you’ve done enough for someone? You constantly put in more efforts to do things just to compensate for what, you believe, you are deficient in.
Your intuition keeps pushing you to put in more effort to please others, and hoping you could be appreciated and loved in return. The inability of you not being appreciated and loved makes you feel you’re being taken for granted.
If you actually respect yourself for who you are then why are you always being taken for granted?
Why you’re always being taken for granted
When you see the following traits in yourself, then you are more likely to be taken for granted and look no further.
Here are the best-proven reasons why you’re always being taken for granted by your lover or family member:
You tend to give more than what you get in return
You find it difficult to stop giving and you don’t even know when to stop giving brings about you being taken for granted by either your lover or loved ones. If you tap out after realizing you have been taken for granted, they will only feel betrayed that you’re the one who has changed for worse.
Consequently, when you discover these traits in yourself, your chances of being taken for granted is higher. These traits and reasons surface little by little before you knew it, you have lost yourself respect and rely on other people to make you happy and achieve your dream. You will then notice that the person whom you love and who loves you in return may not be aware that he or she is taking you for granted, even if they never had that in mind in the first place.
You find it difficult in saying “no”.
Why want to take on more responsibilities or commitments than saying the word “no”? You find it difficult declining some requests from your partner or friends as you may think you’re being nice. But inability for you to say no makes them take your efforts or sacrifices for granted and may dislike you more if you don’t help them again.
You hardly believe in yourself
When you discover you don’t trust yourself in your own capabilities and you see others as flawless and virtuous then you will always be taken for granted. You always feel heartbroken and a constant need to please others so you can be accepted by them.
If everyone around you, especially your loved ones can easily predict your behavior then you will always be taken for granted by them. This makes them to easily manipulate you into doing anything they want since you’re easily predictable. When you discover you are always being taken for granted, you’ll feel sad but there’s nothing you can do again. To avoid being taken for granted learn to make sure people around you can’t easily predict you.
You prefer the company of others
When you discover you always feel the need to have someone as a witness to your life then have in mind that you will always be taken for granted. You are always scared of being alone but you find it easier to displease yourself to please others who treat you baldly instead of learning to be independent. The inability for you to get over the fear of being lonely will expose you into being taken for granted always.
You are extremely sweet
You can’t just be rude to others as you are always pleasing them seeing yourself as a nice person in their midst not knowing that you are the biggest fool in the real world. Having this kind of mindset will expose you into being taken for granted very easily. This doesn’t mean you should be rude to them at all times but being rude with a nice gesture sometimes to show them that you have your principles.
You need others approval in doing things
When you discover you always need a person’s approval to do anything at all, be it your lover or friends then you’re more likely to be taken for granted. Why want to allow a person to emotionally control and use you as he or she pleases while seeing you’re being taken for granted? You tend to let go of your principles into making a genuine decision that would have stopped them from using you anyhow.
You procrastinate decisions
You may prefer to postpone the decision or tackle issues that concern you than dealing with them or deducing an end to the problems. Why think pushing decisions away is the best thing, but to be candid with you, it’s the worst decision ever in running away from dealing with your issues.
Also, this will make decisions to be taken without your consent especially amongst your family members or friends because they know you are not capable of making tough decisions of your own. You will also not have a say in whatever thing they agree on making you appear unimportant.
You lack your innate desires
Maybe anytime you want to embark on an important decision like deciding on a dress to wear, plaiting a nice hairstyle, your intuition will ponder if the object of your affection would like your decision. You always strive to please others virtually in all the things you do so that they will see how caring and accommodating you are, hoping that one day they’ll remember how much you have pleased them and reward you.
You are scared of confronting people
Having known that you are always being taken for granted but you shy away from confronting the problem, you will end up getting upset and frustrated about the whole issue. This will also eat you so deeply that you may hate yourself more for being such a fool in allowing yourself to be used in such a manner.
Always yearning for appreciation
Why crave for appreciation when you don’t like going against people you want to impress or win their heart? You are always occupied in anything they say, and you don’t mind going out of your way to please them in hope of making them love you. When they whisper a small line of praise into your ear, you feel like you are on top of the whole world not knowing that you are being used.
You are afraid of people
You tend to be afraid whenever you find people who are loud, outspoken, and confrontational and that makes you unable to put up with them making you get stressed out emotionally. Also, you quickly accept anything they say because you are not convinced you can handle them. Apparently, you may assume it’s the ideal way to deal with a rude person, not knowing that you’re paving way for yourself to be continuously used by them every day of your life.
Having low expectations
Fear of disappointing your friends or loved ones make you keep a low profile of your expectations toward them. But at the same time, you displease yourself more to impress them in the hope that they will see how caring and loving you are and change to reciprocate your good gestures.
Consequently, these people may think they are perfect for you already because you don’t outline any flaws in them, nor are you streamlining any of your wants or expectations from them. If you really don’t want to be taken for granted, avoid having low expectations.
Not truthful to yourself
If you are not truthful with yourself especially when someone takes you for granted and you console yourself by saying the person might have taken the right decision in not taking you for granted. But deep within you, you are not happy doing those good deeds for this person. And you end up consoling yourself that the person isn’t using you that you are doing it out of love for the person.
You accord them respect
You always see yourself respecting these people even after you’re being taken for granted then have in mind that you’ll always be taken for granted no matter what. The person may be the entire world to you and you don’t mind doing anything to maintain that relationship.
They have the feelings you respect them
Most of the people who continuously take you for granted know that you value them extremely well and constantly expect more from you even without realizing it. The more you keep going out of your way to impress them, the more their expectation increases. And when it reaches a stage that you can no longer put up with their ignorance, they will take it that you’re changing for the worse because you no longer do those things which you once used to do for them.
Furthermore, they will take it that you now dislike them not knowing that you can no longer withstand the pains of being taken for granted by them.
Signs you are always being taken for granted in a relationship
When you discover the following signs or traits in your relationship, know that you are liable to be used greatly in the relationship.
They hardly treat you with respect
If you discover your partner doesn’t treat you with a basic level of respect know that you are susceptible to being taken for granted in the relationship. Act fast to correct that or you quietly work away in such a relationship.
They don’t push much weight
Take some time to meditate on what they’re contributing if it compares to what you contribute as well. In the aspect of finances, check if you are paying more bills or rent than they do? Do they occupy you with most of the house chores each day, even though they are home? Are you always their chef every night? Make sure tasks should be shared equally amicably to avoid a person being used by the other. If you are to cook for a particular day, your partner can assist in the washing of the dirty dishes.
In a situation where you perceived the unfair distribution of responsibilities, you need to think about what that means and not just bump into your partner. A healthy relationship entails being there for each other, caring, and supporting one another.
If you feel your partner doesn’t contribute any of this that you’re the one giving everything without getting much in return, your partner is actually taking you for granted. Don’t keep mute, walk up to your partner and inform him or her in a nice way.
They cheat on you
If your partner isn’t faithful to you and jumps from pillars to poles, it’s a clear signal that they are taking you for granted. We all know it’s not that easy to let go of the one you love in such a relationship but you have to take a bold step to walk away to avoid being used again.
You may hear them give several reasons for cheating but none of them are genuine. Although, relationships like this does work you have to give it a second thought why you’re choosing to stay with someone who has been unfaithful to you.
If you are married, have a financial tie, or kids with your partner, it is advisable for you to try and figure out things diligently. You may feel you have no choice as you’re scared of not being able to stay alone and try to see things for what they really are.
Your partner tells you that they can’t get over the habit of cheating as you always overlook it. Never yield to such plea as your partner doesn’t appreciate or respect you as you deserve more than that. Some people may have been cheated on in the past and are now scared that it might occur again.
You are emotionally being manipulated
You see yourself always apologizing for things you have done or said, or that you are the one who always has to accept blame. Your partner may seem to be in control of the relationship and even you as well. They may accidentally decide that they can no longer continue with the relationship and force a breakup. They will also decide when to get along with you after hurting your feelings.
Furthermore, they will keep you thinking whether or not you are safe and may even devise means in making you give them some space or watch your behavior.
If you notice any of these things in your relationship, you need to analyze yourself why you are still in such a relationship or why you are afraid to air out the problems.
They do not include you in their life
Does your partner consult you before making decisions about their life?
If your partner values you, they will seek advice and even run to you when they are sober. They are not interested in being involved in your life as this shows you are being taken for granted. If your partner isn’t informing you what he or she is doing and doesn’t ask about how things are at your workplace, it is a clear sign that you are liable to be taken for granted. For a lasting healthy relationship, both partners should be able to involve each other in whatever things they are doing/be interested in the others life as well.
They don’t put in more effort
This does not mean things should keep flowing smoothly, but making an extra effort on particular situations where things are looking to become bleak as it really helps. Showing your partner affection and attention is one of the best things about being with someone. It also aids what you should expect as a minimum and what you do deserve as well.
Others may have several reasons why they don’t show their partner affection as it should also be respected at all times. But have it in mind that affection is very vital to keep a relationship rolling. A situation where your partner doesn’t have a genuine reason, for not expressing affection, maybe a sign that you are being taken for granted.
If your partner is reluctant to be physically intimate with you not that he or she is having a bad day as though it may feel they don’t care about you, or that they are timid to be seen with you in public. Never take it lenient as they may be taking you for granted and they don’t value you.
You tend to discover you’re the only one showing intimacy and emotion in the relationship; please give it a second thought whether or not your partner values you.
Always contributing to your low self-esteem
If your partner doesn’t help you in fighting your low self-esteem but rather cause you more pains, you have to ask yourself why he or she keeps acting in such a manner. Some partners being authoritative or controlling in a relationship can lead to taking the other for granted.
In this case, some partners may identify the issue on time and may quit such a relationship. But a controlling partner will devise means to put the other partner down in a bid to mar his or her partner’s self-esteem and make their partner rely on them. They may tell their partner that they are useless, unattractive and can never find anyone who will love them the way they are.
Consequently, most people say all these abusive words to cage their partner in the relationship. Their partner feels they are safer being with them not knowing that they can find a better lover out there. All these are signs that you are being taken for granted and never overlook them if you care about your happiness.
Sudden change in physical intimacy levels
This is another sign that you should be careful about as it makes one be continuously taken for granted by the other partner. You tend to discover your partner is always after getting you laid without giving you any emotional intimacy, it’s a clear sign that he or she is taking advantage of you. Your partner shouldn’t make you feel you owe him or her anything, especially in the aspect of lovemaking with them.
If your partner is always making you feel you need to get laid with him or her in order to get their attention or affection, you need to analyze how things have reached this point. Lovemaking should be on mutual terms and not compelling the other partner into doing what he or she doesn’t want to do. When you discover this, either you walk away from the relationship or you inquire from your partner the reason behind their action.
After putting into practice all these signs and reasons why you are always being taken for granted, I can assure you people won’t take you for granted anymore. Never compromise your stand and always communicate with your loved one knowing that your happiness is your key to living a healthy life.