Why Men Pull Away: 11 Proven Reasons For Their Actions

why men pull away

Why men pull away in a twinkling of an eye

Why men pull away is a common trend in today’s society as you may be faced with different challenges/thoughts on why it’s happening to you. Pulling away from a relationship is simply some of those things that might have made a man let go of his current relationship to be into another relationship with someone else or completely withdraws himself from you. I know that you’ve probably been directly affected by this issue or are scared of experiencing this with someone you’re having feelings for. You discover your man is pulling away from you.

He tends to withdraw into himself. You are curious why all this is happening as you’re certain he cherishes you more than he lets on. But why is he pulling away all of a sudden? After getting so deep into you, he decides to pull away. This is all the things we’ll be discussing in this article, so be rest assured you are in the right place at the right time to get a solution to your problem.

Consequently, have in mind that not all men exhibit this. And some ladies act in this way too. This does not only surface in the early stages of a relationship; men will sometimes withdraw for a time even in a committed relationship.

Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are toiling with women’s emotions and are not always satisfied. This is why I tell my readers (single and dating women in particular) as not all men they come across will have the same intentions as it’s ideal for you to love yourself, work to achieve your dreams and be committed to your values too. Why not pay close attention to a man’s actions than his words? This actually helps women who might not know if the guy truly loves them.

Furthermore, I have seen some of my friend’s ladies who keep coming to me and saying “He was extremely nice from the onset; he courted me and spoiled me with gifts, and was ready to tie the knot with her. Along the line, after he must have gotten what he wants, he pulls away and his actions start to change little by little. I called men like this chameleons as they can go extra miles to please a lady and after getting her laid, they smile that they’ve won the game.

Also, you have to be very careful with a man who is too nice in the early stages of the relationship. Take your time, and challenge him if he is extremely nice. A lot of women fall for these kinds of men as they see them as exceptionally caring type as not all women are lucky to have. You tend to say to yourself “I would be the most stupid person on earth if I let this kind of man slip from my finger” Never be obsessed with that kind of mentality but instead be diligent towards such man.

Read More: 3 Steps To Stop A Man From Withdrawing  

Try having this mindset that you must not have a man to be successful. Men too are not left out here as they should not always yearn for love but think of what to make love have its lasting effect in the relationship. When you have this type of mentality, it will be easy for you to notice any warning signs and save your relationship. A man who is with you will definitely air it out to you in a healthy way that he’s courting you. So don’t wait till he calls you every second to inform you he is actually committed to you.

Best proven reasons why men pull away

Everything was moving on smoothly and you are so into your man. He seems to be reciprocating but all of a sudden what triggers him to distance himself from you and the relationship? All these thoughts may weigh you down and impedes you from thinking straight.

He doesn’t want to be in a relationship

Although some men pull away without telling you they don’t want to be in a committed relationship. An honest man will always come out plain and tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, and then you have to honor his word and pull away quietly as a woman. Why not walk up to him and ask him if he’s totally committed to the relationship or he wants a fling? If you can do that, then you’re one step closer to achieving your goal.

Furthermore, if you are a type that is timid, there are other ways like challenging yourself if you care about your happiness by asking the man what he’s looking for so he doesn’t toss you around.

He may not be that into you

This is one of those reasons why men pull away and it shouldn’t be taken for granted. Some men can show you signs of commitment but may not want to be committed to you completely. They are basically two reasons behind this:

  • They are not just interested in you and may not want to hurt your feelings
  • You fell in love too easily and they lost interest in the pursuit of getting what they want

Have this in mind that most men are not good at communicating their true feelings to their woman during the dating phase. So instead of making it clear that they don’t want to get along with you, they just distance themselves hoping that you will attain that conclusion by yourself. It’s really annoying, but you’ve probably had a lucky escape if you’re found in such a situation.

The following are common things I see when a man pulls away and loses interest in his woman:

  • They discover that their values are not aligned with yours.
  • They lose interest because you become too clingy on them.
  • They do not share the same vision of the future with you.
  • They realize you don’t adhere to your goals or what they want in the relationship.
  • He is not attracted to you anymore as this might not feel natural to him.

He might be experiencing personal troubles

No man would love to be in a relationship if he doesn’t feel secure within himself. This is absolutely true if the woman is pretty and independent. He might have family issues to sort out which can also make him pull away from you. For instance, a man may pull away from the relationship if he isn’t financially secure at the moment as these are things that may aid him to feel confident, superior, and never panic if he is good enough for you.

Others may have some health problems that he is not comfortable telling you about until he sorts things out on his own. Being unhappy and unstable in his workplace may also be one of the reasons why most men pull away. This can be additional stress and men feel within them that they need to feel confident or protected with their basic sources of freedom like health, money, and work. Absence of all this makes men pull away from you gradually.

He is afraid of being committed to you

You hear some men say you are digging your own grave when you’re loyal to a single partner because when she breaks your heart, you’ll wish you shouldn’t have been loyal to her. For example, you have two or more ladies, when the other breaks your heart, you can easily switch to the other lady and still move on with your life. And this is what they mean by not being loyal to a single person.

They might be young and just want to play games before deciding to tie the knot. He knows the task ahead for being in a long term relationship and may quietly pull away to prevent it from reaching that stage. Sometimes a man’s upbringing can have a great impact on why he pulls away if his parents parted ways during his childhood.

He doesn’t want to get hurt

Past affairs can leave scars and cause most men to pull away by distancing themselves before they commit their heart and risk further pains. For instance, you were so committed to your partner that you can’t stay a day without hearing her voice just to experience unbearable heartbreak. You might be scared of experiencing similar pains again if you happen to go into another relationship. Many women can also feel this way too as it’s not just addressed to men.

Consequently, an individual can do all kinds of strange things especially when they are falling in love newly. Sometimes this turns out to be self-sabotage. But this doesn’t mean that he does not have feelings for you. He does, but he isn’t certain how to act on those feelings.

He wants to reinvigorate his masculinity

You see most relationships change people to some extent. In the aspect of a man, he tends to be more vulnerable and more emotionally attached but not always. This can appear strange to most men and their natural reaction might be to fight against these feelings.

They might feel the urge to pull away in order to enjoy the kinds of things men do like enjoying a glass of beer with his friends, watch football, or play video games. Being able to pull away from his woman enables him to reconnect with a part of his identity that may be “idled” by the relationship.

Might be signs he is a playboy

It is not that easy to spot a man who is a player and a man who is actually committed to you. Here are some of the convincing signs that a man truly loves you. Some of my female friends do ask me, should I continue dating him or not after they must have spotted those red flags in their men? Be very careful as most men are very tricky in their actions/words to get what they want from a lady.

They might even pretend by calling you daily, bombard you with sweet romantic SMS, and even tell you how lucky he is to have met you. He might also tell you he wants to build his family around you and you can’t stop thinking about his words. You might get excited and thank God that you’ve seen your dream man, but let’s examine his actions. In the end, all the excitement disappears and you discovered he was just using you.

why men pull away

Why not answer the following questions to help you know if you are being used?

  • Does your man plan dates and then abide through on a consistent basis?
  • He does ask you to show up at his place often for sleepovers?
  • Does he switch off his phone late at night?
  • He does remember the things you tell him?
  • Does he keep to his word or he is a type that calls a spade a shovel?
  • Is he a man that tells you sweet things you love hearing and lays it on heavily in the beginning? And when these things don’t happen you find yourself saying,” But he was so into me when we first met…What happened along the line?” You have no convincing answer.
  • Are his conversations with you surface level conversations or depth conversations?
  • Does his social media account have a lot of different female photos?

You fall for him too easily

Men love to see the woman they choose to be an asset they strive to get at last. It might mean nothing to you but it’s true. They don’t like a woman whom anyone can just walk up to and she quickly accepts as they don’t seem to value such a woman. This does not mean you should be too clingy as men pull away on discovering this character of yours. It will be inappropriate to cancel all your plans to be with him daily all day. You can make him miss you a little by not telling him where you are at the moment but never make it a habitual thing.

As we all know, falling for one another should be a mutual chase between the man and the woman. Where this is out of place, it becomes too easy for him to take you for granted. So beware!!

He is afraid of his own feelings

This is one of the main reasons why men pull away because they are scared of how they feel in the relationship. Be it that he was searching or not searching for love when you crossed the path, the feeling of suddenly falling for someone is full of uncertainty and panic.

Some of these men may not be in touch with their feelings as others might be, and not compared to most ladies either. They might find the relationship very interesting, but deep within them, they find it difficult to get their heads around. In other to sort this out, most of these men pull away. The problem here is that they might not communicate this to you as they just become more emotionally and elusive physically.

He is craving on to his independence

For a relationship to be long-lasting, it requires time, dedication, and effort from both parties. Some of the things you do enjoy may be taken away from you while being in a committed relationship. To some men, the process of being with their partner looks like they are completely caged and lose their freedom.

In a situation where he values all these things, he may pull away from you to cling on to the things he does enjoy. The same thing is applicable to some men who weren’t looking for a relationship when they met you. Although they might still enjoy your company, they may also crave for times when they could do what they love; when they want. As a result of this, they might pull away and dedicate more time by themselves in order to figure out what their heart really cherishes most.

He feels the relationship is a bit too intense for him

Some relationships can quickly move from zero to seventy in a blinking of an eye. He might feel a little bit intense seeing how you two spend so much time together when you guys just met recently. The relationship might be moving too fast for him and he might just pull away to think about these feelings.

He might be comfortable taking things slowly so as to pay close attention to where the relationship is heading.

Read Also: 16 Best Tips On How To Make A Guy Realize He’s Losing You

What to do when your man pulls away

It can be heartbreaking seeing your man pull away from you. You may experience several things running through your head whether he might be testing you or not, but the truth is that he has actually tapped out. He might be trying to work out his own feelings and thoughts so never panic. Do exactly the following when you see your man pulling away:

  • Give him space to get himself back and be consistent in how you approach him.
  • Try as much as possible never to contact him.
  • Keep it just between you both.
  • Concentrate on your own growth.
  • Show your support for his other passions, but avoid displeasing yourself always to please him.
  • Reflect on the things you have learned from the relationship and cling to your personal goals.
  • Always try to be precise about your needs and expectations.
  • Try to occupy yourself with things so as not to weigh your thoughts about your man pulling away from you.

If your expectations aren’t met, then move ahead with your normal life and see if he will ever come looking for you. And if he doesn’t come around, I’m certain someone else will.

How to act when he finally comes back to you

If he truly cherishes you and wants you back in his life, he will definitely come back regretting his actions. You see your man coming back to his normal senses, physically, and emotionally but you are not sure of what to do. Kindly follow the following tips to welcome your man back:

  • Never attack him with questions like, why he pulled away, what does he want now that he’s back? Or is he just pretending to have you back so as to toil with your heart again? Asking him all these questions will only worsen the situation and just forgive and forget.
  • Show your man how happy you are to have him back. Be caring and affectionate to him.
  • Avoid retaliating to make him pay for the way he dumped you. You can air out how you felt in a neutral and nice manner. Try putting it like this:

I know it wasn’t your fault as you needed space and time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. That’s fine. I don’t need to understand, but if you do want to talk about it now or later then I am always open to listen to you.

Baby, I really do miss you. It hurt not seeing your face for some times, but I’m serious about making this relationship the best if you are. If you know you two were in a serious long-term relationship, be opening and welcoming when your significant other returns to you emotionally.     

How long can it take for your man to come back?

To be candid with you, when a man pulls away, it could take a few days, weeks, or months depending on him. Deep within you, can you wait for a week or months to have your man back? This is a question you have to be honest with yourself and analyze if your relationship is in its infancy stage or not. Most ladies won’t be able to wait that long if their relationship were at the infancy stage.

Where you have some distance into the relationship, you might tend to give him more time to work out his feelings. This depends on you entirely.   


I would love to conclude with this that you have to completely love yourself in order to be able to give love to another. This is the best love you can ever experience in life. Why not look closely into the things that must have caused you several pains, work through any of your past experiences, and finally accord yourself some time to heal those pains.

Lastly, never take it that all men are the same because not all men feel the need to pull away physically or emotionally from their significant other. As a man and also a relationship expert, I am always here to offer you distinct advice to help you get your relationship back to where it was before either by dropping your questions below or reaching me directly. I hope this article helps you immensely.

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