Proven tips to follow without hurting him or her
To break up respectfully is simply the ways or choice of words to use so as not to hurt the other partner feelings when deciding to end the relationship. Most partners tend to enjoy the euphoria of a new relationship especially when you know your boyfriend or girlfriend feels the same way.
Although nothing stays new forever and things can change as partners get to know each other better. Some might be lucky to settle into a more comfortable and enjoyable relationship while other partners drift apart.
Reasons why people break up respectfully
People tend to break up because of one or more of the following:
Growing apart: A person might discover that his or her ideas, interests, feelings, and values aren’t as well-matched with his or her significant other as you thought they were. He or she discovers they are no longer compatible with their partner and may decide to break up respectfully.
The relationship isn’t enjoyable any more: People tend to break up respectful when they discover that the relationship isn’t how it was when they first met. Maybe too many ups and downs and the other isn’t able to put up with the other partner and might opt for a break-up.
Developing feelings for someone else: Some partners tend to let go of their significant other when they start having feelings for another person. They tend to lose interest completely in their current partner and may prefer a new challenge.
Partner is too clingy: If a partner is too clingy towards the other, this might make an individual break up respectful so as to enjoy their freedom than being trailed always by the other partner.
A partner isn’t romantic: Most people prefer their relationship to be spiced with romantic love than being dried without romance. A partner might want to break up respectfully where the other partner makes romance looks boring and isn’t sparking the magic of romance in the relationship.
Read Also: The Importance Of Romance In A Relationship
Taking your partner for granted: If a partner felt he or she is being taken for granted, he or she might decide to break up respectfully so as to find a person who would love them and won’t take them for granted anymore.
Lack of trust: A relationship that isn’t built on trust will crash in no time. The same thing is applicable to a partner who doesn’t trust the other, paving way for the other to feel rejected and might prefer to break up respectfully. Sometimes a partner who is always caught red-handed in the act of flirting with another might make the other partner fed up and may prefer to break up respectfully.
Economic or religious beliefs: If a partner isn’t financially buoyant especially the man, the woman might feel insecure and may opt for another person by breaking up. Partners might love each other very well but tend to discover that they can’t get along anymore because the other partner’s religion might not permit them being together. So they break up respectfully and save themselves the stress.
Just feel like breaking up: It might sound stupid but it happens. A partner might just want to break up with the other just because a friend told her how she did that to her partner and discovered that he loves her to the moon after pleading for them to be back together.
Others might just want to break up respectfully to see if their significant other would miss them and asked for them to be back together. It is really absurd just playing with someone feelings and you might end up losing that person completely if your motive was just to test your partner.
Most people go through a break-up or have experienced several break-ups in their lives, so adding to this might just be too unbearable for them. Breaking up with a person you love is always hard and if you’ve ever experienced it, you know it can be painful; even if it seems like it is the best option to follow.
Is breaking up so difficult to do?
Breaking up might seem very easy for some people but others out there; I can assure you it’s really difficult for them to do. I myself I don’t want to experience any other breakups after experiencing once during college and I know how deeply it hurts. When you think of breaking up with someone, you may have different thoughts running through your head.
You guys got together for a reason and you might be thinking: “Will things get better or worse?” “Should I give it a second thought?” “Will I regret my action?” To be candid with you, breaking up isn’t an easy decision to make. You may need to take time to think about it before making up your mind.
However, you may feel it’s the best thing to do but breaking up entails having an awkward or difficult conversation with the other. Your partner might feel hurt, sad, disappointed, heartbroken, or rejected when you’re breaking up with them.
If you’re the one quitting the relationship, you probably want to do it in a way that is respectful and with diligence. Try as much as possible never to hurt the other person’s feelings and also in a way that you won’t feel upset either.
Should you avoid it or get over with it?
Some partners avoid the unpleasant task of establishing a difficult conversation. Others tend to get over with it. But neither of these approaches is the healthiest one. Avoiding the conversation might make you feel hurt more or hurt the other person more. And if you rush into a difficult conversation without giving it a second thought, you may end up saying things you’ll later regret at the end.
I would advise you to stay in the middle. Take some time to think about it so you’re clear with yourself on why/how you want to break up respectfully and act carefully.
Break up things to do and things to avoid in the relationship
Although there’s no one-way approach that fits breaking up in general; there are some general “things to do and things to avoid” as you begin thinking about establishing that break-up conversation. You can also use these tips to let someone down respectfully if someone asks you out and you are not really interested.
Break up things to do
They include the following:
Choose the best time of the day for it: You may prefer to have a word with the other person when he or she is back from work in the evening as they will be enough time left to air out serious talk. Others may prefer having the discussion at night before the other partner goes to bed. If the other person is stressed out, accord him or her some time to rest before starting the conversation.
Always think about what you want and why you want it: Take time to analyze your feelings and the reasons behind your decision. Try to be candid with yourself. Even though your partner might feel hurt and rejected by your decision, it’s cool to do what is right for you. But always do it in a sensitive and diligent manner.
Try to be sincere and not being brutal: Start by telling the other person the things that attracted you to him or her in the first place, and what you like in them. Then say why you want a new challenge in a cool and honest way. Never go about explaining the qualities he or she doesn’t possess that the new person has it all. It can lead to fight or exchange of words between you two.
Always think about what you will say and how your partner might react: When you think about how the other person might feel like will your boyfriend or girlfriend appear sad? Mad? Surprised? Rejected? Hurt? Or even relieved? This can aid you to be sensitive.
What if after telling the person you want to break up, he or she cries or lose his or her temper; how will you handle such a situation? All these are things you should think about and will help you prepare as well.
Have a good mindset: Always let the person you’re breaking up with know he or she means the whole world to you and that you just want a new challenge. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the new partner such as kindness, honesty, respect, sensitivity, and caring.
Try saying it in person: You and this person must have shared some intimacy and a lot together. Why not accord them that respect by breaking up in person? If you know you guys are not living close to each other, you can make a phone call or video chat to break up respectfully.
It is really not healthy to break up through social media or texting. Take some time to think about it, if you were to be treated like that, would you be happy? And what will your friends say about the person’s character?
Confide in a friend you trust: If you’re confused, you can talk through the way you feel with a trusted friend. Make sure the person you confide in won’t blow up the cover until you’ve your actual break-up conversation with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Be sure your girlfriend or boyfriend receives the breaking news from you first; not from any third party.
This is why you should consult your parents, older brothers or sisters, and other adults who could give you better advice. Since they are mature enough, they won’t go about painting you black outside or let it slip out mistakenly.
Break up things to avoid
Avoid doing any of these if you are planning to break up respectfully:
Never avoid the person you’re to break up with
This does not mean you should avoid the other person completely after breaking up with them. Try as much as possible to have the conversation you need to have with the other person. It won’t be nice if the person you are planning to break up with hears the information from someone else before hearing it from you. You can do your best in curbing that.
Avoid rushing into a difficult conversation without thinking it through first
If you rush into a difficult conversation with the other person without thinking it through, you may say things you regret.
Never belittle or disrespect the other person
Avoid saying negative things about your ex or soon-to-be-ex as it makes them feel bad after remembering the intimate times you guys shared together. Try to respect that bond as you won’t like it also if your ex speaks bad things about you. You never can tell as your ex could turn to be your close friend in the long run or you might even rekindle a hot romance someday.
Avoid breaking up under the influence of alcohol
It is advisable to keep a clear head when you decide to break up respectfully with your partner. You might be tempted to have some chilled drinks to calm your nerves, but avoid being drunk or better still refrain from alcohol. Being intoxicated may make you say things you end up regretting or even feel hurt more.
Don’t leave anything up for your soon-to-be ex to debate
If you’re certain it is over or your misunderstandings can’t be resolved, don’t leave the other partner with a glimmer of hope or feeling relieved. You shouldn’t be mean, but you’ve to stand on your word. Why want to give your partner false hope that things could work out in the future by not being firm with your words? It might seem you’re softening the bad news, but it only prolongs the pain to say things could change and things will never change.
To be realistic with you, I’ve fallen victim of this as my ex then told me she just wanted to take a break away from relationship things and I quickly accepted and said no problem. I thought she just wanted to take some time out to prepare for her final exams since she was in her grade 12 not knowing that I was pouring water into a basket. I tend to move on with my life after realizing she actually dumped me for another guy. So beware of these instances.
What to say and how to say it if you want to break up respectfully
Now that you’ve made up your mind to break up respectfully, you need to find a good time to talk and a way to utter your conversation with respect, fairness, kindness, and be precise. Have in mind that break-ups entail more than just planning what to say but you have to really know how to say it without hurting the other person’s feelings.
The following are some illustrations of what you might say to the other person. You can use these tips and modify them to accommodate your style and situation:
You can inform the other person you want to discuss something important with him or her.
Begin by saying things you love or cherish about your soon-to-be-ex like “Ever since I’ve met you, you’ve made my life remarkable.”
Say why you want to break-up.
It involves the following:
“But I’m not ready to have a serious date right now.”
“But you cheated on me, and I don’t feel safe anymore.”
“But I’m seeing someone else.”
Say you want to break up respectfully.
An illustration includes the following:
“So, I want to end our affair.”
“So I want us to be best friends, but not intimate anymore.”
“So I want to stay casual friends, but I don’t want to be your Girlfriend or Boyfriend anymore.”
Say you are sorry if it hurts.
Below are some instances:
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings dear.”
“I am sorry if this isn’t the way you wanted us to be.”
“I know you feel bad, I’m sorry.”
Say something positive or nice.
The following are some instances:
“I have these feelings you’ll be fine.”
“I’ll never forget the lovely memories we shared together.”
“I have these feelings that another guy or girl would be very happy to have a chance to go out with you.”
Try listening to what your partner (your ex-soon-to be) wants to say.
Never nag at the other person, be patient, and don’t be astonished if he or she feels unhappy or upset with what you have said.
Give the other person some space.
You can check on your ex by following up with a warm message or conversation that lets him or her know you care.
Now that you’ve known how to break up respectfully, have in mind that break up is inevitable and be prepared when it suddenly crossed your path. It is advisable never to break up to make up. You should be able to learn from your previous relationships or break-ups and know what you want and need in your future partner.
Never end a relationship just because you want to be with another as it’s very bad to play with someone’s feelings. It’s not easy for someone to dedicate his time and energy to love you and you have to reciprocate that. Being able to end a relationship as hard as it strengthens our skills when it comes to being candid and kind during difficult conversations with the other person.
Furthermore, only you know when the time is right to go into another relationship after initiating a break-up. And it will be a betrayal to quickly jump into another romantic relationship after few days from breaking up with your partner.